Start Spreadin' the News...

 

On Friday, November 30th, Greg and I took the girls to New York City to see the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall.  Despite a few hiccups, the day was an overall success! 

I have always been a huge Broadway fan.  Ever since I saw my first musical - Cats - I was hooked.  I went for an 8th grade field trip and the rest is history.  I managed to see one or two more musicals before I turned 16, but once I turned 16 and could drive, I would go to any live production possible.  I frequented a dinner theatre in Wilmington, Delaware all the time.  I would recruit a friend or two and actually sneak into the dinner theatre to watch the show.  We would even sneak a cream puff from the dessert buffet once in awhile.  As I type this, I am realizing what a nut I was!  The dinner theatre was usually full of elderly people, but I didn't care...I just loved the shows.  I probably saw Singin' in the Rain 10 times.  I was also big on the Fiddler on the Roof production as well. 

As I got older, I decided to ditch the local theatres and start taking advantage of public transportation and head to NYC.  I could easily go to NYC for the day for less than $100 bucks and see a show.  I would drive to 30th Street Station in Philly.  Take the Septa train for $7 to Trenton, NJ.  There, I could take the NJ Transit to Penn Station, NY for $14.  Once in the city, there was a stand called TKTS, right in the middle of Times Square, that sold that day's open seats at all the local broadway and off-broadway shows.  They were about 40-50% off the ticket face value, no fees.  We always ended up with awesome seats, too.  I didn't always take the same friend with me.  Really, I would take whoever would go with me, but it was never hard to find someone to go.  I used to save all the Playbills from the shows and practically study them afterwards.  My CD collection was primarily Original Broadway Cast albums.  No clue how I got into this, but it's still a passion today and I want to expose my kids to the performance arts as well.  I was never a performer, but just really, really love all aspects of theatre.  I tried to major in theatre in college, but my Dad said I was on my own if I chose that for a major.  Bleh!

Anyway, fast-forward to life now.  I thought it was high time my girls met the Rockettes.  Not to mention, Brielle had been begging to see the Statue of Liberty for the past six months.  I found a great deal on Radio City tickets a couple months ago and have been counting the days in my head since I bought them.  My musically-retarded, jock (and very sweet) husband has grown to accept my passion for the arts over the years.  He has been taking me to shows every since we lived in LA over ten years ago.  Super sweet because I'm not sure how much he enjoys shows where people break out into song and dance.  Anyway, he took over the logistics part of the day trip----the transportation, schedule, maps, parking, etc. 

We were all set as Thursday was coming to an end and we were preparing for our day on Friday.  I get a call from the school nurse at 2:00 p.m. telling me that Brielle has just gotten sick in her classroom and wanted to know if I wanted to come get her or if she send her home on the bus.  WHAT?  Brielle is NEVER sick.  Like ever.  And the stomach flu has been ripping through families all over the for the past few weeks so my first thought was that Brielle would be fine by the next day and Camryn would probably be throwing up and our trip was going to be ruined. 

Well, we get B home, she had a fever...went to bed early and we just prepared for the worst.  We brought extra outfits, plastic bags, medicine, etc.  I was not letting this get in the way of my children's introduction to the Big Apple.  Luckily, no one got sick during our trip.  Brielle was a little lethargic, but she made it through.  It's been a few days and Cam still hasn't gotten it *knock on wood.

We decided to just drive so we could totally be on our own schedule.  The only traffic we really hit was at the Lincoln Tunnel, which was to be expected.  It was a nice day out---clear skies anyway.  We had to bundle up in hats and coats, but that is only appropriate when going to NYC during the holidays.  On the way there, the girls watched their Barbie DVDs and Greg and I didn't fight about his driving once (this is when I knew it was going to be a great day).  As we got closer to the city, Greg started speculating about how long Camryn, who is only three, would last during the 90 minute show.  I said, "Don't you worry, it's the Christmas Spectacular!  It's spectacular and entertaining the entire time!"  (Yes, I may have seen it a few times).  Greg retorted, "Well, you're a little fanatical about this kind of stuff and when I say a little, I mean...crazy."  Me, crazy? 

Well, we arrive in time to park, have a quick breakfast and get into our lower mezzanine seats ten minutes before the 10am showing began.  The seats were perfect.  The show began and the girls' mouths were wide open.  The show began with Santa Claus and the rockettes dressed at reindeer.  The even added a 3D component to the show, so it was really spectacular.  Sure enough, about ten minutes into the show, Camryn leans into me and says, "Mom, all I really want is a soft pretzel.  Is this almost over?"  Are you kidding me?  That's it?  Ten minutes, Cam?  Sheesh.  I told her after the show, we would get a soft pretzel.  The next 80 minutes of the show was great, despite Camryn's ants-in-her-pants behavior.  She went back and forth from her seat to my lap and probably asked for a soft pretzel about 10-15 more times.  At one point, I could just tell she had to use the bathroom, but I wasn't going to ask because I was hoping she'd make it through.  Finally, she leans into me and says, "Uh Mom, do I need to go the bathroom?"  And I said, "I don't know?  Do you??"  She goes, "Yes, I think I do."  UGH.  I just gave Greg the gesture and he took her. 

I look over at Brielle who was completely mesmerized up until this point.  This was the part of the show when the Rockettes came out dressed as toy soilders (very iconic).  We previewed it on YouTube.com before going.  Suddenly, Brielle starts crying and could not even watch because she was so upset about Camryn missing it.  I tried to assure her that Camryn would be right back (and considered telling her that Camryn could care less about the show at this point), but it didn't matter.  She was not happy until Camryn and Greg got back from the bathroom.  Luckily, they caught the last few minutes of that segment and everyone was happy again.  Had to note this to document how much Brielle loves her little sister.  She is so selfless.

After the show, we made a beeline for one of the hot dog stands and got the girls gigantic soft pretzels.  We made our way over to Rockefeller Center to see the tree, the ice skating, etc.  We spent about an hour in the American Girl Doll Store.  I can't even find the right words to describe that place.  The girls have a few American Girl Dolls thanks to their rich uncle Michael, but of course they wanted more when there.  We were able to appease them somehow with the $7.00 American Girl Doll brush.  Their dolls are in great need of some hair maintenance.  Next, we hit Bryant Park, which was really cool and very much like a mini-Rockefeller Center.  We took a rest at the New York City Public Library and read some books.  The girls were getting super tired by this time and we decided to just grab a quick bite to eat and hit up the Statue of Liberty on our way out of town.  We promised them we'd take them over to the statue on our next trip to the city and they were fine with just viewing it from Battery Park City, which is where Uncle Michael used to live. 

We had a great day from beginning to end.  Can't wait to do it again when Kendall is a few years older! 

Crossroads

I feel as though I may have just recently made it through (over?) a crossroads that I was not even aware I was on.  Having had Brielle in my (late) twenties, I was still able to maintain a moderately social lifestyle.  Hence the keg stands I did at her 1st Birthday party.  I still had tons of friends with no kids...many not even married.  I went out a lot and still had a decent amount of time to focus on myself.  Things definitely slowed down even more after having Camryn, but still, I managed to keep a decent balance of social life ("me time") and parenthood.  Now, I am not sure if things have just changed because of having a third child or if it's because the other ones are now doing stuff that requires more of a schedule outside of the house.  Or, because I am 34 now?  I really don't know.  What I do know is that I have recently realized and accepted that I am now a Mom.  Like, a full-fledged Mom.  You'd think getting a mini-van would have been the light bulb moment for me, but it wasn't.  I embraced my mini-van the same way I did skinny jeans.  Wasn't 100% confident about it, but just did it and didn't look back.  Anyway, I think I may have been at a crossroads for a long time trying to figure out who I am.  I guess I was just moving very slowly....very direct and decisive, but just moved slowly through a very big intersection. 

I've made it past and I like this side of things.  It's all about perspective.  I used to keep my fingers and toes beautifully polished.  Working out was never even an option.  When I was invited any place for any social engagement, I rarely declined.  I NEVER left the house without mascara.  I'm not a very high maintenance girl...he-hem...I mean WOMAN, but I had some things that were just non-negotiables.  I'm not a slob now, but let's just say my nails are almost always bare and my mascara lasts a looooong time.  I have realized that exercising is only going to get done if I create the time to do it, which means 5:30 a.m.  And 5:30 a.m. never used to be that bad to me, but now that I go to bed totally exhausted, 5:30 a.m. hurts.  After a week of it, I did get used to it thankfully.

Every now and then I get the itch to do something out and about sans kids.  Girls night....a relaxing few hours at the bar....a shopping spree....anything.  Yet, I find that every time I do anything, a little goes a looooooooong way.  I'm cool with just two glasses of wine now.  After the mall or Target or any type of shopping, I start to just yearn for my home and my kids.  Even though between 3:15 pm (when Brielle gets off the bus) and 7:30pm (when the kids go to bed) are the craziest freaking hours of my day....I've grown to love them.  I love my kids, but those are trying hours.  Especially when we have to be some place for a practice.  Someone is always whining, crying, fighting or pooping.  There is always that challenge of cooking something that everyone will eat for dinner, too.  I used to have two friends that would always call me around 3:30  / 4pm to check in. I have noticed they have stopped calling me at that time because I'm sure they grew tired of hearing me scream at the kids in the background. 

When I was out last weekend with a few girlfriends, one girl that I used to hang out with a lot told me, "Three changed you."  That hit me hard, but I was not offended.  After I pondered the comment for a few days, I decided that I loved it.  She is right.  I have changed and it feels great.  It's not even anything majorly significant or different.  It's just a new mindset.  A new acceptance.  Being a Mom is such a privilege and honor and all I really want to do is be a really good one.  I'm shaping people over here and it is not a job to be taken lightly!

I'm totally okay that my Saturday morning trip to the grocery store (alone) feels like free time.  I'll obviously still try to maintain a basic level of cool, but I think my Forever 21 days will have to be just a fond memory.  I'm also pretty certain these are the years I am going to miss most when I get old.

The semi-calm before the storm!

Tropical storm Sandy is on her way!  There is a certain kind of excitement that inclement weather always brings.  The vibe lately has been similar to the vibe before a big snow storm.  Schools and businesses are shut down and we are all home together, enjoying the down-time.  However, we still have power!! I remember the tropical storm that left us powerless for 48 hours last year...totally not fun! I am not sure where to focus my worries....either with both sets of our parents who live AT THE BEACH AND REFUSE TO LEAVE or with us....way more inland, but also at the top of a hill.  Our house feels like it is going to blow over on moderately breezy days, so I am terrified thinking about the winds that we are expected to get tonight.  Well, I think we are as prepared as we can be for now.  So we just wait and see...

Lately, I have been losing sleep over the horrific news stories around the area.  I go back and forth between the 10 month old baby and grandmother who were murdered in King of Prussia (a couple towns over where my sister-in-law Kristin lives) and the family in NYC who lost two of their children to stab wounds from their trusted Nanny.  I keep replaying the scenarios in my mind just wondering what the families are doing right now.  When I put myself in their shoes, I try to figure out how I would even be able to continue breathing.  I don't know if stories in the news have become worse and worse over the years or if this new, intense level of empathy is something that accompanies parenthood in general.  I feel like with each new addition to our family comes an added layer of worry.  I don't think it totally consumes me, but I feel like I have to constantly pull myself out of it so it doesn't take over.  I know it's out of my control.  Accidents, illnesses, crime....not a whole lot I can personally do to stop it.  My friends and co-workers all think I am so easy-going, relaxed and calm.  I really don't know how I put up this front!  Greg knows I am a mess, but I seem to have many others fooled.  My dentist can certainly see the stress in my teeth / gums!  I wonder if I am going to bite right through my overpriced, custom-made bite guard (in my sleep) one of these days.....

Hopefully this storm goes easy on us and we can get back to the normal craziness of our every day lives.  The girls have been counting the hours until Halloween and we are still trying to figure out our next move as a family.  We decided that step one is getting out of our house, so we hope to be ready to put a for sale sign outside soon.  We haven't gotten to step two yet, but I'm sure I'll be talking about it sooner or later!

I think I need Mom Counseling!!

Here I am...the wife of an incredibly talented and competitive athlete.  He undeniably excels in all things competitive.  You have your basic sports like baseball, football, basketball....then your individual sports like golf and tennis....then the other ones that usually invovle drinking--horseshoes, pool, darts, bowling, beer pong....all of it...in the bag for Greg Bayly.  He can even run really fast when it comes to mud runs and obstacles.  I am obviously very proud to have such a talented man for a husband.  With competitiveness and mastery skills like his, my pride is also accompanied with fear.  I have always feared how he will be with our kids as they begin various sports and activities.  I even recall lecturing him long before we ever even had kids.  I remember saying, "What if our kids don't even like sports?" (Implying that it was a possibility and he better be okay with that).  His answer was always, "Yes, they will." My biggest fear though was him being too hard on them, of course.  I have always worried about Greg's expectations of them. I mean, I am a loving, nurturing, gentle mother who is proud of my children no matter what . . . right?

NO!  I need help!  Greg is surprisingly cool, calm and collected and I might need to start taking medication before Brielle's soccer games now! 

So here's the thing.  This is her first year of real soccer.  She's on an all-girl team.  I totally expected it to be a bunch of little girls running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  Um, not so much!  These five and six year olds are hungry for that goal!  They are rough and tough.  They don't cry when they fall down.  Granted, they don't really pass to one another yet, but they sure know how to dribble down the field and kick it in the goal!  Now, Brielle loves practice, loves the social aspect and really loves the snack they get after their games.   As long as she is happy --  I know!  But when I go to her games and watch her dancing in circles....looking for four-leaf clovers....playing with her hair....singing songs....all while the game is happening all around her, I heat up inside! I know!  She's only five!  I know!  But I want her to be hungry for the ball, too!  I want her to know what is going on around her!  I didn't yell at her, but a few times I would say, "Come on Brielle!  Get it!"  She looked back at me and shouted, "No!"  She also stuck her tongue out at me! 

Greg and I have to switch each week because Camryn's soccer program is at the same time.  So my turn to take Brielle was yesterday.  Twice she got the ball and dribbled all the way down the field. 
The.  wrong.  way.  Consequently, the other team scored both times.  (Her team still won...see paragraph above about hungry goal-scoring girls---many on her team).  I texted Greg from the game to tell him what happened and he replied, "Wow!  That's great for her!  She didn't touch the ball the entire game last week!"  When we got home, we talked about it some more (not around her) and he reiterated that he still thinks that is great that she actually dribbled all the way down the field.  He didn't even care that it was the wrong way! 

What is the matter with me?  Granted, I didn't say anything to her...I told her she did great...and despite the coaches and other spectators yelling, "Wrong way! Wrong way," she still had no idea she even did that.  Greg just says, "She just doesn't get it yet.  Oh well." 

??  So, I eat my words.  I need to chill out.  It's not that I am not proud of her, I guess I was just expecting athletics to be a non-negotiable with our kids.  So, obviously I am learning a lot about myself lately and what I know I need to do is relax, encourage them and just make sure they are having fun.  Besides, this is litereally our first go with a team sport.  (Another reason why I might need medication).

My mom says I was the same exact way when I was little!  We are just going to continue enrolling her in various activities like dance, swim, music and gymnastics to get her a taste of everything.  Meanwhile, she is doing awesome in school, has a keen ear for music and is extremely reflective and artistic. 

Life with little kids is busy and crazy, but I think I'm realizing the challenging stuff has yet to come.  I started realizing this last year when the mean girls emerged in preschool.  And I am realizing that I need to give hubs a little more credit.  All his girls have really mellowed him out ;)

People do this, right?

During challenging times, some people find comfort by advice from friends or family, some people find comfort by praying....I'm not sure where I got this, but it works and I'm sticking to it.  When I have those moments when all three kids are screaming at me, demanding something from me, and I'm trying to do five other things....say like cook, clean, WORK, get out the door....my comfort is found when I ask myself, "People do this, right?"  The answer is, "Yes, people do this.  People have three kids and survive."  I have definitely had those challenging days lately where I am constantly having to reassure myself that people do this and get through it.  It just gets crazy when trying to get one kid on a bus, another kid dressed and fed and a baby fed and changed.  The mornings always start off calm for the first ten minutes of awake time, then it just seems like it turns into this huge rush and the world is gonna end if everyone is not in their places at the right time.  We wake up, go-go-go, get the kids in bed/asleep to have maybe an hour of relax time before we pass out and wake up to do it all over again the next day. 

You know?  I really don't mind.  I have accepted it and I enjoy our happy life.  Sometimes though, after a several days of no real break, I start to go a little BAT SHIT crazy. That's all.  Just a lil.  This school year has been a huge adjustment with Brielle starting full-day kindergarten, Camryn starting Tuesday/Thursday preschool and well, adding another child to that mix---our sweet baby Kendall.  Also, I just started working again after a six month break.  I don't mind working once I get into the swing of things, but being a teacher....it's always crazy getting things in order for the start of school.  Needless to say, the past couple weeks have just been tough.  Camryn especially does not handle transition well.  When she started climbing out the crib at 15 months, we had to take her out so she didn't hurt herself.  Well, as much as the kid didn't want to stay in the crib, she didn't want us to take it either.  That was rough.  When we took her binky.  VERY rough.  When we moved her to Brielle's room to make room for Kendall---also rough.  Her beloved best friend and big sister leaving her all day long.....omigosh.  That first day of Brielle in school all day was so hard for Camryn.  It's only week two now and while she no longer cries when the bus pulls away, it's been weird in the afternoon when Brielle gets home.  Brielle is exhausted, disheveled and moody when she gets off the bus.  She loves school, but needs her space when she gets home.  It's hard to see Camryn so excited for her to get off the bus to have Brielle come in and ignore her or treat her badly. 

Ah well, I am certain what we are going through is pretty standard.  Again, people do this, right?  I don't want Camryn to be sad.....I still haven't adjusted to Brielle even being in school myself.....Soccer starts next week too (agggh...two different teams/times, etc).  But hey, people do this and they survive.  So, I will too.  :)

Again, so thankful my "problems" are not big.  Greg and I were talking when we were on "vacation" in California about how we really didn't enjoy one meal or relax one time.  It's too hard when you're always trying to make sure your kids are taken care of and happy.  He said, "I am sure in a few years we will be on vacation and they will not even want to be seen with us or be near us and we are going to miss this, so let's just cherish it."  And that we did.  #lovethislife

Just a random Tuesday

 I happened to take all three of these pictures throughout the day last Tuesday.  They were taken with my phone and I realized later when I was looking at them that I captured each of their personalities perfectly that day.  I may need to invest in a decent camera one of these days.  Seems like the best moments get captured with my phone camera and they are not always the best quality.  Love my girls.



Imaginative Brielle



Free-spirited Cami



Chilled out Kendall



My Grass is So Green

Wow, this might be a record---blogging two days in a row! For fear of being totally obnoxious, I generally refrain from overly happy posts, but I need to get at least one of them in here.

Today was a great day.  I completed an organizational home task that I was meaning to do for months now.  I won't even get into detail about what it was, but it took me several days and it's finished.  I deliberately did not leave the house at all today because I felt the kids needed a lazy day.  They were in jammies 'til at least 10 or 11am, we played random games and did silly things.  My girlfriend came over for dinner and we had pizza and wine (more than usual--haha), and our kids played in the backyard.  I was happy all day.  I even got a nice jog in this morning before Greg left for work.  Further, I even did burpees after my jog (not sure what that is?  Ask Pinterest). 

It's not at all unusual that I feel a steady stream of overjoy.  I really am just so happy.  I don't wish for something different and I am so happy with my life.  My children are healthy, happy and beautiful.  My husband is quite possibly one of the best and is most definitely an amazing father.  We have a nice home, decent jobs that we don't hate, and great family and friends. 

I have many friends who are not necessarily in this same boat.  I have so many friends on anti-depressents, sleeping pills, etc.  Maybe that is what helps me count my blessings?  I am not sure.  I just wanna say that I am happy and realize how good it is.  I loooooooooove this time of life.  I cannot help but to think about the fact that nothing majorly bad has really ever happened in my life.  It's one of those things that I think all the time, but am terrified to say out loud for fear of jinxing it.  I know I am lucky.  I know some day I will face more hardship and I sincerely hope I can remember the dance through those times.  (That is an allusion to a Garth Brooks song). 

All smiles.

Succeeding with Three

I had a Mom milestone today.  I managed to take all three kids to the pool for two hours with no major meltdowns or problems!  Doesn't sound like much, but to me, this was a huge victory!  This is our second year with a country club membership and just as I was getting used to the idea last year, I found out I was pregnant.  I spent every day at the pool last year with nausea and fear of how on earth I would ever handle the pool days the following summer with an infant.  It's not like you can keep a five year old and a three year old indoors all summer long, so I knew I was going to have to do it.  I just remember leaving the pool every day last summer thinking, "OMG, how will I do this next summer with another child???"  It just seems like so much to cart all the pool gear and the kids.  Now, I don't know why I was so overwhelmed...probably because I had just found out I was pregnant and was still in shock and fear. 

Well anyway, here I am with my five year old, three year old and five month old (who is not even allowed to have sunscreen on her skin yet).  We've done it a few times on weekends when Greg could come, but today was my first day alone.  IT WENT SO WELL.  I feel like I need to write Kendall a thank you note for her to read when she is older.  She could not be any sweeter and any more relaxed.  The mornings are usually slower over at the pool, so I chose that time to go.  Pools and Beaches, though so much fun, are just so nerve-wracking because you cannot take your eyes off your kids at all.  It takes 18 seconds for a child to drown.  Brielle can now swim with no support and Camryn is fine with all her gear on, but I still need to watch them closely. 

I managed to get a great spot right near the shallow end, got an umbrella and let Kendall chill in her stroller.  She just sat there, gumming her rattles.  I was able to sit at the pool steps and watch B and C and remain close to K.  Then I put Kendall in the pool for her first dip!  We have a little tube with a visor thing and I had her in a hat and kept her away from the sun.  After about 15 minutes of excitement, she was over it.  I changed her clothes, stuck a binky her in mouth and she passed out in the stroller, under the umbrella.  Slept the rest of the time.  The kid doesn't not require rocking or motion of any sort.  It's awesome.  I was able to help Brielle with her diving and let Camryn swim without her floaties for a bit.  I think I even had a good time myself.  Granted, when we left, Camryn was screaming her bloody head off because it was Brielle's turn to give the key card to the front desk on the way out.  But, what's a day without Camryn throwing a tantrum?  It just wouldn't be normal if she didn't.  :)

So, I have now mastered trips to Target, preschool drop-off / pick-up and smaller grocery trips with all three.  Maybe by the end of summer, going to the pool by myself with all three will be no big thing.  As for today, it was HUGE.  I'm not even jonsing for my glass of wine yet!

I'm baa-aack!

Goodness, it has been a long time since I have blogged!  It took me 15 minutes to figure out how to even write a new post!  Hopefully this summer I will have some time to figure out how to navigate this program and actually make my blog look better!

Well, our scrumptious little baby girl is already nearly four months old! She is such a relaxed and happy baby.  We have really had all good babies, but I think Kendall has been a dream!  Maybe I'm just getting better at parenting? Hahahaha.

I am honestly surprised how smooth this transition has been.  I just remember how hard it was when Camryn was first born.  I used to stress over if I was ever going to be able to cook dinner again....or clean the house.  Or be any place on time!  I recall always telling myself, "People do this!  People have more than one child.  It will get easier!"  I literally had to give myself pep talks.  So I really thought having three was going to send me over the deep end.  It really hasn't at all.  I guess experience and a really good baby made the transition easier for us!  I am overjoyed by our three healthy and happy kids. 

On the other hand, hormones are a BITCH.  I recall having a little sadness after having Camryn.  I was sad that she was growing so fast and it seemed like she was never even a baby.  However, at that time, I kind of knew there was a good possibility that we would have another.  That possibility kept me from being super sad.  Well, now I am 99.9% sure we are done having children.  If you asked Greg, he'd proabably say he was 150% sure.  Anyway, this makes me really, really sad.  I miss being pregnant already.  I miss the nights Kendall kept me up every few hours.  She started sleeping through the night at nine weeks and I have missed those all-night feedings since she was nine weeks!  I don't know if I am weird because I love pregnancy and babies so much, but I just do.  I am so sad that it's over that I have even cried.  A lot.  I suddenly feel really old and extremely envious of young people who still haven't even reached this stage of life.  I just don't know if any other life experience can top the births of my children.  What else is that amazing?  I know we have so much to look forward to.....watching our beautiful children grow, learn, succeed.  Greg and I will some day maybe even be able to spend one-on-one time together again!  I look forward to grandkids....I mean, there is SO much.  I kind of just wish I could freeze time right now.  Brielle is about to enter kindergarten and I am so not ready for this!

To fix this problem of mine, I tried begging Greg for just one more baby.  A few times.  He won't even consider.  And deep down, I kind of know having another one is not going to fix this.  So, I'm trying to focus on all the great things about being finished having children.  And, for the most part, I feel okay, but I can get pretty down if I allow my mind to wander.  It's very weird for me to feel somewhat out-of-control with my emotions.  I'm terrified of menopause now!  I am hoping this will all kind of go away soon.  I have a lot of friends who hated being pregnant and are so happy to have it done with.  I wish I could feel like that!

Ah well....life goes on!  So much to look forward to.

Major Life Event Approaching!!

Okay, well it's February 4th and I'm due in a week and half with BB3 (Baby Bayly 3). I keep trying to slow down time, but it's SO not working! Most people are on the edge of their seats waiting to go into labor at this point, but I'm still not experiencing that type of anxiety. Is it weird that I enjoy delivering babies so much? I am in that phase where something really great is about to happen, but I want to slow down the time just before it. Like when it's almost time to go on vacation and you suddenly realize you don't want it to be here yet because you know the sooner it comes, the sooner it's over. (I might need Greg to remind me how much I love it when I'm having contractions and feel like my body is being violently ripped apart, though.)

I am uncomfortable---don't get me wrong. I have a set of feet lodged in my upper right rib cage and it really does physically ache. It even throbs sometimes. The baby kind of plucks at my ribs with "its" feet. And sometimes, I feel like he/she is going to kick a hole in my belly and exit that way instead. So, I probably can't take too much more of this, but I just love having this belly and I am going to miss it terribly.

I didn't think I was going to go through the "Mom Guilt" that I had when I was pregnant with Camryn, but it just hit me the other day. I started feeling so sad for Brielle right before Cam was born because I knew the attention she was used to receiving was going to dwindle significantly. I mean, I knew that the positives of giving her a sibling would outweigh the little negatives, but still, I felt a little sad. Now, I'm doubly feeling bad for Brielle because being the oldest is tough. I expect the most out of her sometimes and let's face it....she's still a baby. She's only four years old. And Camryn....man, her world is going to be rocked. She knows this baby is coming, but she has no idea what that means for her. Her baby-of-the-house status is just about officially over. Ah well, the bond that Brielle and Camryn share today has far surpassed my expectations. So, I imagine BB3 will do just that, too.

In other news....Brielle is already getting a taste of 'mean girls' at PRESCHOOL. Yes, you heard me. It is tearing us apart. She seems to be fine socially with everyone, but for some reason, she takes a certain liking to this girl, Gianna. Gianna is a very pretty little girl and Brielle just fancies her. Brielle started by telling me about Gianna's hair accessories one day. She was so impressed by the sparkles, etc. So I asked her if she told Gianna that she liked her hair. She said no. So I explained that sometimes when you like something about someone, you should let them know. The look on Brielle's face really was one of enlightenment and I could tell that is just what she planned on doing next time she went to school. So the next day, she comes home and says, "Mom, today I told Gianna that I think she is pretty and she walked away from me." I could kind of sense this was the direction things were going in. I said, "Well, maybe she didn't hear you or maybe she is shy. That was very nice of you though." She continued, "And when I try to sit next to her during circle time, she always gets up and sits next to Kaylee." OUCH. This hurt me!! I'm not going to go on with the whole story, but Greg had the same look of devastation on his face when I shared the story with him. He immediately went into fix-it mode with all these ideas of how he plans on fixing it. He wants to talk to the teacher....he wants to talk to Gianna's Mother, etc etc. I mean, you'd think someone beat our child up. But that is how hard we took it. Greg and I have talked about how we hope to raise our kids and of course we agree we want them to be kind-hearted to everyone and more importantly, feel confidence within themselves. We've talked to Brielle about continuing to be nice to everyone and if she continues to find that Gianna doesn't play with her, then she should just focus on her friends that do play with her (which seems to be everyone else in the class.). She has continued with stories about how Gianna disses her, but I also try to take it with a grain of salt. Brielle plays on drama sometimes too and I'm sure she can sense the attention she gets from me when she shares these stories with me. I try not to act overly concerned and remain cool about it all, but she's no dummy. Anyway....how on earth are we going to deal with everything else that is to come? Parenting is so hard! Of course I blame myself a little because this is not a school for working Moms. It's only a couple hours a day and most working parents can't work around a schedule like that. Luckily, since I work from home, we can do this. However, after school, I can't do the playdates with the other Moms and kids. I can tell many of the Moms head to the gym together when the kids are at school and they are always getting coffee, etc. So many of these children play together outside of school, which naturally makes them have their special little buddies in class. Brielle has friends in the neighborhood, but unfortunately no one in her class, so I feel like this is partially my fault... ugh. Oh well, it is what it is. I'm still just happy we haven't had to send our kids to daycare. I feel very grateful about that, so that is just how I have to look at it!

Well, back to lesson planning.....on my last few lessons before my long-term sub takes over!! So very excited about that one!!!

I presume my next blog entry will not be until sometime after we have the baby! I need to make sure I get a few more entries into BB3's journal. I have kept a journal throughout each of my pregnancies and attached the pages to the baby books so they can read their Mommy's thoughts when they were in the womb. So I guess I'll be posting a lot more after the baby arrives because I won't have my pregnancy journal to babble to. :(

Riding on the happy hormone wave....

Typically, this is the point in my pregnancies when I start getting really irritable and nasty. I'm 35 weeks along...relatively uncomfortable, yet, blissfully happy?? I don't know what it is, but I have had this very organized, calm and content sense about me. Is this the calm before the storm? My second trimester ended up being the hardest time for me this time around, which is funny because that is supposed to be the best part of pregnancy--Not too big, showing enough for people to know you didn't just eat too many burritos, comfortable enough to exericse, enough energy to make it through some long days.... I don't know. I have no explanation, but I've been feeling super great lately. I think I reached a point with my crazy job to just do what I can do and learn to be happy about my efforts. I reached a point with my children when I realized they are just children. Likewise, I decided to give my husband a break and stop complaining so much. All in all, my new outlook has really worked.





We took this past weekend to 'nest.' Greg wanted to nest the day after we put all the Christmas decorations away, but I told him I needed a week. We ended up having nice, mild, motivating weather and went to work. We organized all the baby gear, cleaned out the "baby" room, re-assembled the crib, washed the bedding, went through the newborn clothes, etc. It was truly productive and I really enjoyed it. I definitely felt a little bit of sadness as I was going through the tiny clothes as I realized this is the last time I'll be doing this. I can't even imagine what kind of emotions I will have when I have to start packing away the newborn clothes because the baby grew out of them. That's the worst...but at least before, I knew I'd be digging them back out again! Ah well, life goes on and I'm sure I'll find new places to focus my energy.





The girls are getting so excited for their new baby. Brielle always refers to our entire family and never forgets to include the baby. When Camryn heads off to the neighbor's in the mornings, she always hugs and kisses my belly goodbye. It's amazing how much they've embraced their new sibling already. Brielle is going to be such a little helper/Mommy. I'm not entirely sure what to expect of Camryn yet. I know she'll love the baby, but I think there may end up being a shmidge of jealously from her. We'll see---don't want to be presumptious.





I'm beyond excited to meet this baby, but in no way rushing it. I have five weeks...possibly six and I'm totally okay with that. I want to cherish and savor every last brutal kick and punch from within.





My thoughts on boy/girl? NO IDEA. I envision a boy in our future, but at the same time, when I envision the birth, I really can't imagine a boy coming out of me. Who knows, who cares. I predict 8 lbs 11 oz and 22 inches. That's all I can predict.





Back to work....