Okay, well it's February 4th and I'm due in a week and half with BB3 (Baby Bayly 3). I keep trying to slow down time, but it's SO not working! Most people are on the edge of their seats waiting to go into labor at this point, but I'm still not experiencing that type of anxiety. Is it weird that I enjoy delivering babies so much? I am in that phase where something really great is about to happen, but I want to slow down the time just before it. Like when it's almost time to go on vacation and you suddenly realize you don't want it to be here yet because you know the sooner it comes, the sooner it's over. (I might need Greg to remind me how much I love it when I'm having contractions and feel like my body is being violently ripped apart, though.)
I am uncomfortable---don't get me wrong. I have a set of feet lodged in my upper right rib cage and it really does physically ache. It even throbs sometimes. The baby kind of plucks at my ribs with "its" feet. And sometimes, I feel like he/she is going to kick a hole in my belly and exit that way instead. So, I probably can't take too much more of this, but I just love having this belly and I am going to miss it terribly.
I didn't think I was going to go through the "Mom Guilt" that I had when I was pregnant with Camryn, but it just hit me the other day. I started feeling so sad for Brielle right before Cam was born because I knew the attention she was used to receiving was going to dwindle significantly. I mean, I knew that the positives of giving her a sibling would outweigh the little negatives, but still, I felt a little sad. Now, I'm doubly feeling bad for Brielle because being the oldest is tough. I expect the most out of her sometimes and let's face it....she's still a baby. She's only four years old. And Camryn....man, her world is going to be rocked. She knows this baby is coming, but she has no idea what that means for her. Her baby-of-the-house status is just about officially over. Ah well, the bond that Brielle and Camryn share today has far surpassed my expectations. So, I imagine BB3 will do just that, too.
In other news....Brielle is already getting a taste of 'mean girls' at PRESCHOOL. Yes, you heard me. It is tearing us apart. She seems to be fine socially with everyone, but for some reason, she takes a certain liking to this girl, Gianna. Gianna is a very pretty little girl and Brielle just fancies her. Brielle started by telling me about Gianna's hair accessories one day. She was so impressed by the sparkles, etc. So I asked her if she told Gianna that she liked her hair. She said no. So I explained that sometimes when you like something about someone, you should let them know. The look on Brielle's face really was one of enlightenment and I could tell that is just what she planned on doing next time she went to school. So the next day, she comes home and says, "Mom, today I told Gianna that I think she is pretty and she walked away from me." I could kind of sense this was the direction things were going in. I said, "Well, maybe she didn't hear you or maybe she is shy. That was very nice of you though." She continued, "And when I try to sit next to her during circle time, she always gets up and sits next to Kaylee." OUCH. This hurt me!! I'm not going to go on with the whole story, but Greg had the same look of devastation on his face when I shared the story with him. He immediately went into fix-it mode with all these ideas of how he plans on fixing it. He wants to talk to the teacher....he wants to talk to Gianna's Mother, etc etc. I mean, you'd think someone beat our child up. But that is how hard we took it. Greg and I have talked about how we hope to raise our kids and of course we agree we want them to be kind-hearted to everyone and more importantly, feel confidence within themselves. We've talked to Brielle about continuing to be nice to everyone and if she continues to find that Gianna doesn't play with her, then she should just focus on her friends that do play with her (which seems to be everyone else in the class.). She has continued with stories about how Gianna disses her, but I also try to take it with a grain of salt. Brielle plays on drama sometimes too and I'm sure she can sense the attention she gets from me when she shares these stories with me. I try not to act overly concerned and remain cool about it all, but she's no dummy. Anyway....how on earth are we going to deal with everything else that is to come? Parenting is so hard! Of course I blame myself a little because this is not a school for working Moms. It's only a couple hours a day and most working parents can't work around a schedule like that. Luckily, since I work from home, we can do this. However, after school, I can't do the playdates with the other Moms and kids. I can tell many of the Moms head to the gym together when the kids are at school and they are always getting coffee, etc. So many of these children play together outside of school, which naturally makes them have their special little buddies in class. Brielle has friends in the neighborhood, but unfortunately no one in her class, so I feel like this is partially my fault... ugh. Oh well, it is what it is. I'm still just happy we haven't had to send our kids to daycare. I feel very grateful about that, so that is just how I have to look at it!
Well, back to lesson planning.....on my last few lessons before my long-term sub takes over!! So very excited about that one!!!
I presume my next blog entry will not be until sometime after we have the baby! I need to make sure I get a few more entries into BB3's journal. I have kept a journal throughout each of my pregnancies and attached the pages to the baby books so they can read their Mommy's thoughts when they were in the womb. So I guess I'll be posting a lot more after the baby arrives because I won't have my pregnancy journal to babble to. :(
